we love software that actually works

me spending 4 hours stressing out about all of the things I have to do today before getting started

#shitpost

2 (very) short stories...

#Cats #Caturday

The CEO has arrived to oversee you
#Caturday

This is bound to bring some joy to your day. Everything about it is delightful.

(And the engineering is amazing.)

#Joy #JoyScrolling #Happy #Laughter #Play #Engineering #RollerCoaster

Who would win? A quarter-trillion dollar industry or these four horsemen?

#INFOSEC

"Two sexes," they say. "Any others are unnatural"

MUSHROOMS: but we have 17,000 sexes.

"The female of the species," they proclaim, "is the one that carries the fetus to term. Males can't get pregnant. It's unnatural."

SEAHORSES: but our males do

"If you are born with a vaginal canal, you're a girl," they scream. "If you weren't, you aren't. End of story."

TURTLES: but our males are. and they can even breathe through them.

"Biological sex can't be changed," they shriek, self-righteously."That's just science".

CLOWNFISH: but we do it all the time

"You can pretend to be a gender you weren't born as, they gasp, assuring themselves that surely this time they will emerge victorious, "animals can't just up and change their chromosomes. That's common sense."

BUTTERFLIES AND MOTHS: but we can. explosive chromosomal macroevolution is literally a part of our lifecycle.

"But chromosomes determine biologi-"

BEARDED DRAGONS: ours are determined by the weather

"But the Bible says male and female he made th-"

BLUEHEADED WRASSE: all of us are born female

"But you can't just wake up one day and deci-"

GROUPER (MALE): we literally do.

"But gender isn't flui-"

GROUPER (MALE): sometimes we change back

"But you can't just pick what gender you're going to be on any given day!" They shriek, "It doesn't work that way!!"

GROUPER (FEMALE): ahem

Parallel Bus vs Serial Bus

Pre-mortems? How about developer tarot readings instead

That rewrite you’re planning? Ooh buddy, looks like we drew the Death card, ouch, hmmm that’s not a good sign at all. Bad omen for sure.

The most important quality in a dentist is:

#poll #FediPoll

people be like "omg trains in germany are always so late and unreliable"

bullshit

imagine you have a train departing at 12 and you're worried you'll miss you connection because it's an hour late?

it's okay, there will be a train at 12 as you expected

it's just going to be the one that was supposed to arrive at 11

where do you live?

Ah yes. According to the lab results, I can't read.

ARM SoC? this one believes the term is: "glove".

bash.org #37449

[@Sekt]: "They say that when you play a Microsoft CD backwards you can hear demonic voices...
[@Sekt]: But that's nothing - When you play it forwards it installs Windows."

bash.org #477

"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."
   - Albert Einstein

bash.org #933542

<Brianith> They're the same type of people that think because I know computers, that I'm a hacker. And because I'm a hacker, I can use a computer to tell their refrigerator to sprout legs, walk to me, and tell me their credit card numbers.

Got a joke for you. Man’s struggling in bed. Can’t get it up. Goes to doctor, asks for help.

Doctor stands there, listens and nods. “Got just the thing for you. Go to OnlyFans. Look up FemboyPegliacci.”

Man bursts into tears. “But Doctor,”

i love public wifi hotspots which provide hacker enrichment by implementing “data caps”

“Your daily limit of 350MB has been used” - oh, so terrible, what will I do? Definitely not ifconfig wlan0 down; ifconfig wlan0 hw ether 00:12:FD:AC:AB:FF; ifconfig wlan0 up

oh fuck off. fuck all the way off. https://jsdate.wtf (11/28)