As a parent who has been living in blessed ignorace of Paw Patrol, today I took the kid to her first cinema experience to see Paw Patrol: The Dino Movie.

And I'm making this everyone's problem because I have So. Many. Questions.

Luckily I was taking notes.

Thread 🧵

#parenting #PawPatrol #cinemastodon

Right off the bat:

This is a lot of tech for like 6 dogs and a kid.

Who's funding this operation? And why is it run by a kid? Is he Tony Stark's grandson or something?

1/?

There is a yacht on fire and a dog team shows up in a giant ass rescue boat.

Snoop Dogg was the perfect choice to voice a man who goes through this experience.

2/?

Should I do spoiler tags? Does anyone care if I spoil Paw Patrol: Dino Movie? Does it effect the unified universe in some way? Where does this take place in the Power Rangers - Bluey timeline?...

3/?

@TarkabarkaHolgy My kiddo (Pre-K) learned about Paw Patrol through 2nd hand clothing and children's books. Haven't seen any shows or movies yet.

@ike @TarkabarkaHolgy lucky you. My kids have now fortunately become too old for paw patrol.

I feel like the Jurassic Park theme song should be playing in this scene.

At the same time the kid insists this dino is from Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

We have reached transgenerational cinema singularly.

4/?

Oh goodie, dinos are not the bad guys in this one. I was wondering how they were going to avoid this movie getting too dark.

Also, badass wheelchair user dog! Okay I like this one. I wonder if we ever find out why he is on the island.

5/?

Find dino island... immediately call in the scientists. Surprisingly reasonable move. I like it.

Although I do wonder what Rex's very friendly T-Rex feeds on.

6/?

Helloo, the museum lesbians are here from the Paleontology Department!

One of them is called Heidi Pothesis. The other one is Eugenia Bunsen.

10/10, no notes

7/?

Movie villain makes an appearance. It's a man being released from prison with a posse of cats.

I have questions. Was he imprisoned with the cats? What crimes did the cats commit? Did he join the cat gang in prison? Where is he on the Kinsey scale?

8/?

As much as I want to judge the villain, I was also the most interested in the giant ass crystals on the island no one was talking about. Or maybe I just go to too many mineral shows.

9/?

Oh no, the Brachiosaurus is in trouble. The kid is crying now. I am telling her Paw Patrol will rescue it, I sure hope I am right.

10/?

...

Me: Why are they launching all the cars out of a bigger car?

Husband: Merchandizing.

11/?

If I ever had a Brachiosaurus stuck in a hole, I would also definitely call the cops and also the recycling department.

Some of these dogs are more useful than others.

12/?

They are trying to lift the Brachiosaurus out of the hole with one (1) truck and one (1) normal sized carabiner.

Where are the museum lesbians when you need them?

13/?

Me: When did this child have time to refashion all the rescue vehicles to resemble dinos?

Husband: Merchandizing

14/?

I want to look up the small T-Rex's IMDB page to see if they are the same one from Ice Age.

15/?

Who came up with this dog training course?

Also, why are all the patrol animals dogs? I feel like goats would make much better mountain rescue.

Do other animals not talk in this universe? Is it just dogs? Or are they like, teenage mutant ninja dogs? Does everyone understand them, or just the Tony Stark kid?

16/?

People keep telling Marshall that "everyone makes mistakes, the only important thing is that you learn from them."

Um... does this feel a little loosey goosey for an active first responder on duty?

17/?

This is not how diamonds work.

This is not how volcanoes work.

This is not even how dynamite works.

18/?

My disbelief is not as much suspended as it has been permanently expelled from the premises.

19/?

"This is one of the Paw Patrol dogs. I don't remember all their names, there's so many of them!"

"Oh it's Marshall! He's my nephew's favorite!"

Good job putting a zinger in there for the tortured parents. Now I definitely identify with the villains.

20/?

Evil huntress being dogpiled by the Compies. Jurassic Park 2 opening, anyone?

21/?

Me: Soo... the kid had time and resources to build a whole new firetruck in rhubarb colors?

Husband: Merchandizing.

22/?

They named the dino RhuBarbie in the Hungarian dubs.

The Hungarian name for this vegetable is Rebarbara.

Barbara was right there.

23/?

Save the museum lesbians!!

... okay so in this scene two cars are racing down the two sides of a canyon with a rope between them, and two people are scrambling to climb to safety on the rope before the middle of the rope hits a rock.

You could just... stop the cars.

Like... stop driving towards the rock??

24/?

@tarkabarkaholgy@ohai.social wait until you meet the guy on the boat who only talks alliteratively.

In the event of a volcanic eruption, the plan is to drive all the people and dinos on the island into a cave. At ground level.

Who put this child in charge??

25/?

I don't think my disbelief can handle much more than this.

26/?

I feel like this fire rescue squad should have more than 1 dalmatian.

Maybe like 101 of them.

I did not watch 14 seasons of Chicago Fire to see this one pup run into a fire without a mask on.

27/?

"I picked you for Paw Patrol because you never give up."

I appreciate the sentiment. The other responders don't make mistakes tho?

"Helllooo, I'm a Dalmatian puppy, I know I'm supposed to single handedly rescue you from a volcano. It's gonna be okay, I often make deadly mistakes, but I always learn from them!" 😅

28/?

I'm not a geologist, but I feel like dumping a resevoir of water onto a lake of flowing lava would result in some fumes that might kill everyone in that cave.

29/?

Me: Good for Rex the badass. He is a part of Paw Patrol now.

Husband: Merchandizing.

30/30

@TarkabarkaHolgy isn't it funny that your husband has the last word in this write up? :D
follow-up question: is he always monosyllabic and cynic?

thank's for the thread, it made me smile!

@TarkabarkaHolgy The villain in Paw Patrol always has cats.
(I am not proud of knowing this.)

@GinevraCat this kinda suggests some sort of animal essentialism I am suspicious about...

@foobarblubb He is a former kindergarten teacher lol 😆 He has seen things

@TarkabarkaHolgy I haven't had to watch a huge amount of Paw Patrol, but I also have so many questions:

• Why is a child in charge of all emergency services
• What decides which animals can talk and are sentient and which aren't?
• Do the Paw Patrol get paid, have days off, or are they indentured servants?
• Do other towns have normal emergency services or is it all canine based?
• Why do the Paw Patrol speak, but their sort-of nemesis, the Kitties, do not talk?

The worst for these kinds of offences was the Peppa Pig episode where they go to the zoo. I could see no pattern between which animals can talk and are visiting/working there (pigs, ponies, giraffes, lions, crocodiles) and which are in the enclosures (penguins, tortoises...) - just so weird.

@hl lol yeppp I had some of those questions too.

Also, nothing beats the Busytown book where the pigs run the butcher shop that sells sausages.

I just realized the new dog's name is Rex. And his best friend is a T-Rex.

I am deducting points for this.

31/30

@TarkabarkaHolgy why would it produce anything besides steam?

@hyc that's why I said I'm not a geologist, but I assume various gases would also be involved?... Also, hot steam.

#geology

@TarkabarkaHolgy I'm sensing a theme in your husband's answers!

@GinevraCat I'm sensing a theme of this franchise 😄

No actually I'm not done

Why are the dogs only wearing hiking boots on their back paws? They walk on all fours.

32/30

Also, because of Hollywood I need to have another adult conversation with my child now.

About the diamond trade and how the value of diamonds has been artificially kept high.

This villain might have taken down the diamond economy if he had succeeded.

Paw Patrol: Sit, and think about what you've done.

33/30

@TarkabarkaHolgy

https://youtu.be/pBFIqRSsixE

@Tim_Eagon I'm dying LOL

@TarkabarkaHolgy The only reasonable explanation I've seen for the whole thing is that it's set thousands of years in the future, and the dogs are genetically and cybernetically modified to a) talk, b) operate complex machinery, and c) obey Ryder unquestioningly.

Ryder is an immortal being either currently undergoing regeneration, or he's just had his consciousness decanted into a new clone.

@theplaguedoc @TarkabarkaHolgy

David
You're a doctor
So I expect you can answer my question
Going back to the water dousing a volcano.

Wouldn't the water dump mean the sulphur would then be brought closer to ground level and I'm an aerosol that would fill the lungs and kill everyone?
Just my 2 pence GBP

Must add I'm glad my kids are too old for this but we had to live through chuggington with a FLYING train and night garden that had... Well.. Everything in the night garden

@spytfyre @TarkabarkaHolgy Funnily enough, this scenario was not covered in the undergraduate medical course.....

@theplaguedoc @spytfyre we need a chemist or geologist, paging the #science channel

@TarkabarkaHolgy this thread was an absolute delight! Thank you!

@ToweroftheArchmage glad you enjoyed it :D

@TarkabarkaHolgy lava may give off fumes but I don't think pouring water on would increase that.

In a different context, you see blacksmiths quenching red hot metal in water - you get steam, but you don't get metal particles in the vapor.

@TarkabarkaHolgy

This is one of the best sentences I have ever read.

@cainmark thanks 😄

@hyc @TarkabarkaHolgy

I too guess the water would only produce steam; but if you are close enough to worry then probably the lava/magma would be producing deadly fumes anyway (besides heat)

@leonardof @hyc well everyone was fine in the end so I guess there is our scientific answer :D

@TarkabarkaHolgy Oh yeah, I have soft-banned Paw Patrol in our house because of the numbers of adult conversations I think it would necessitate, especially around copaganda.