when i was young i felt early that if success or money came my way it would be due to luck or advantage, not hard work. other friends who were artists expressed frustrations that seemed confusing to me. now i get that they were trying to build careers. which was smarter than me, but maybe accidentally less perceptive.

not claiming any special insight, just that the rigged fuckedness of our world happened to overlap significantly with my stupid illusions and fantasies at the time. a combination of dumb cultural absorption, resentment, & cringe romanticism.